My Thoughts
When Someone's Behavior Makes Your Skin Crawl: A Survival Guide for the Workplace
The invoice was wrong. Again. For the third time that month, Jason from Accounts had submitted expense claims that made absolutely no sense, and when I questioned him about it, he stepped so close I could smell his terrible coffee breath and said, "Maybe you should focus on your own job, sweetheart."
Sweetheart. In 2025.
That was my wake-up call about uncomfortable behaviour in the workplace, and frankly, it shouldn't have taken me fifteen years in business consulting to recognise that I'd been tolerating way too much rubbish for way too long.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Uncomfortable Behaviour
Here's what most HR departments won't tell you: about 67% of workplace discomfort comes from behaviour that sits in the grey zone. It's not sexual harassment. It's not outright bullying. It's just... weird. Inappropriate. Boundary-pushing. And it leaves you questioning whether you're overreacting or under-reacting.
I've seen it all in my years training teams across Melbourne, Sydney, and Perth. The colleague who stands too close during meetings. The manager who makes "jokes" about your personal life. The client who insists on unnecessary physical contact during handshakes. The team member who shares way too much information about their weekend activities.
The thing is, most of us are bloody terrible at addressing this stuff in the moment.
Why We Freeze Up (And Why That's Actually Normal)
Before I dive into solutions, let me be clear about something: if your gut is telling you something feels wrong, it probably is. I used to think I was being "too sensitive" when certain behaviours made me uncomfortable. What a load of rubbish that was.
Our brains are wired to detect social threats, and that uncomfortable feeling? That's your internal alarm system working exactly as designed. The problem is that our responses to these situations often fall into three categories, and none of them are particularly helpful:
Fight: We get defensive, aggressive, or confrontational. This usually escalates the situation.
Flight: We avoid the person entirely, which can impact our work and relationships.
Freeze: We do nothing, hoping it will go away. Spoiler alert: it rarely does.
I spent most of my early career in the freeze category. Thought I was being "professional" by ignoring inappropriate comments and behaviour. All I was really doing was teaching people that I was an easy target.
The Response Framework That Actually Works
After years of trial and error (and some spectacular failures), I've developed what I call the CALM method. It's not perfect, but it's saved my sanity more times than I can count.
C - Clarify the behaviour "I'm not sure what you mean by that." "Can you explain that comment?" "That's an interesting way to put it."
A - Address it directly "That makes me uncomfortable." "I need you to step back, please." "That's not appropriate."
L - Limit further interaction "Let's focus on the work topic." "I think we should involve [third party] in this conversation." "I need to get back to work now."
M - Make a record Document what happened, when, and who witnessed it.
The beauty of this approach is that it works whether the behaviour is intentional or not. And trust me, you'll be surprised how often people genuinely don't realise they're being inappropriate.
When to Escalate (And When Not To)
This is where it gets tricky, and where I see most people make mistakes.
Escalate immediately if:
- The behaviour involves physical contact you didn't consent to
- There are threats (even veiled ones)
- The behaviour continues after you've addressed it directly
- It's affecting your work performance or mental health
Try direct communication first if:
- It's a first occurrence
- The person seems unaware of the impact
- You feel safe addressing it yourself
- It's minor but persistent
Here's the thing about escalation: it's not about getting someone in trouble. It's about protecting yourself and creating a paper trail. I learned this the hard way when a situation I'd been tolerating for months suddenly exploded into something much worse.
The Scripts That Actually Work
Let me give you some real-world examples of what to say, because "just speak up" is useless advice without specific language.
For inappropriate comments: "I don't think that's workplace appropriate." "That's not something I'm comfortable discussing." "Let's keep our conversation professional."
For invasive questions: "That's personal." "I prefer not to discuss that." "Why do you ask?"
For physical boundary violations: "Please don't touch me." "I need more personal space." "Let's shake hands instead."
Notice that none of these responses are aggressive or rude. They're clear, direct, and professional. You're not responsible for managing someone else's feelings about your boundaries.
The Digital Age Complications
Technology has created whole new categories of uncomfortable behaviour. The colleague who sends inappropriate memes to the team chat. The client who adds you on personal social media. The manager who calls you at 11 PM "just to chat."
For digital boundaries, I recommend being even more explicit than you would be in person. Write it down. "I don't check work messages after 7 PM." "Please keep our communication to work topics." "I don't connect with colleagues on personal social media."
The great thing about written communication is that it's automatically documented.
What NOT to Do (Learn from My Mistakes)
Don't make the mistakes I made early in my career:
Don't laugh it off. This signals that the behaviour is acceptable.
Don't make excuses for the other person. "Oh, that's just how Bob is" enables bad behaviour.
Don't wait for someone else to speak up. If you're uncomfortable, address it.
Don't assume malicious intent. Most inappropriate behaviour comes from ignorance, not malice.
Don't suffer in silence. Your discomfort is valid and deserves to be addressed.
I spent years making all of these mistakes, thinking I was being "professional" or "understanding." All I was really doing was teaching people that my boundaries didn't matter.
The Leadership Perspective
If you're in a management role, you have a responsibility to model appropriate boundary-setting and to respond when team members bring concerns to you. I've seen too many managers dismiss uncomfortable behaviour as "personality conflicts" or "oversensitivity."
Here's the reality: if someone feels uncomfortable enough to mention it to you, it's probably been going on for a while. Take it seriously. Investigate appropriately. And for the love of all that's holy, don't ask the person to "work it out themselves" if they're coming to you for help.
The best managers I've worked with create environments where people feel safe speaking up about uncomfortable behaviour before it becomes a major problem.
Building Your Confidence Muscle
Responding to uncomfortable behaviour is a skill, and like any skill, it gets easier with practice. Start small. Practice with minor irritations before you need to handle major boundary violations.
I recommend practising your responses out loud. Seriously. Stand in front of a mirror and say, "That makes me uncomfortable" until it feels natural. The more comfortable you are with the words, the more likely you'll be to use them when you need them.
Remember: you're not responsible for other people's comfort with your boundaries. You're only responsible for communicating them clearly and consistently.
The Bottom Line
Your comfort matters. Your boundaries matter. And you have every right to work in an environment where you feel respected and safe.
Don't wait for someone else to create that environment for you. Start with your own behaviour and responses. Be clear, be consistent, and be prepared to escalate when necessary.
The workplace is challenging enough without having to navigate inappropriate behaviour. But with the right tools and mindset, you can protect yourself while maintaining professional relationships.
Trust your instincts. Speak up early. And remember that setting boundaries isn't rude—it's professional.
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